Susang’s Sickroom

Since the whole Iams scare, we made a radical change in the way we feed our pets.  We now buy all of our petfood from an independent retailer named  Doggy Style and couldn't be happier.  The food they sell is from pet food companies that rigorously test their products for safety and don't use any filler or artificial products.  They also have a couple of rescued dogs at the shop that are just adorable. 

Here's Daisy, she's a rescued greyhound:

I haven't been around lately, I'm having yet another flare of whatever it is that I have.  For those of you who don't know, my flares follow this pattern: First, I get crushing fatigue.  Fatigue so debilitating that I can barely drag my carcass out of bed to go to work.  I push myself to get through my work day, then I come home and either go right to bed or I watch television like a zombie.  Then the glands in my neck start to swell.  Usually the left side is worse than the right.  I get severe sinusitis.  That triggers my trigeminal neuralgia.  This is the point where the mysterious spot on my left thigh turns bright red.  Here's what it looks like, a few days after appearing:

So far I've showed this to four doctors and not one of them knows exactly what it means.  My current doctor believes that it is probably an indicator of an autoimmune disorder.  Since I have Hashimoto's disease (which is an autoimmune disease), the chances of me having an additional autoimmune disorder is higher.  So, I'm being medicated with Plaquenil for an as unnamed autoimmune disorder.  I have no idea if it is helping me or not. 

After the spot appears, I usually experience some random neuralgia in my back, face, legs, feet and unfortunately, my hoo-ha.  It's hard to explain what this feels like to someone who's never experienced it.  The best I can come up with is short electrical shots, accompanied with or followed by a general burning feeling that no medication can touch.  When this part of the flare starts, I usually end up with insomnia.  I'm exhausted, but I can't get to sleep until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning.  I'm not all there, but I'm definitely awake.  Over the next couple of weeks I slowly start to get better and am able to function somewhat normally.

So, that's what I've been up to.  Notice the time on this post, I'm in the insomniac phase of things.  Work tomorrow is going to be so much fun! 

I just found out that Sir Graves Ghastly died.  I can't believe how bummed out that made me feel.  He was on the air in Detroit from 1967 - 1983, pretty much my entire childhood. 

RIP Sir Graves and happy hauntings! 

What's really fun about this site is how different the results are based on the picture. 

Here's one:

I heard this song earlier today, so that anyone who hasn't heard it yet would have a chance to.  Not to be maudlin, but it's as close to a perfect love song as you can get.

Monday's are always excruciatingly busy.  I spend most of the morning balancing angry customer phone calls (Where's my chrome?!?) and downloading orders, data entry and the wonderful world of charge card problems.  Here's the bleak view from my cubicle (located right next to the copier/fax machine):

I worked from 10 am to 9 pm and will probably have to do the same tomorrow and Wednesday.  Not so great for someone with chronic fatigue, but there's so much work and at least they pay overtime. 

Michael is dogsitting my cousin Kelly's purebred French bulldog, Johnny.  Here's Johnny on our walk yesterday:

He's a tough little guy.  He likes to chase motorcycles and terrorize other dogs.  Being a purebred, he hasn't been fixed and boy does he know it!  Kelly's gone all this week, comes back for a night and then leaves for another whole week.  I get to go over to his condo and pretend I have a clean home with modernist furniture and outlets that work.

Speaking of condos, my sister & her husband bought one this week!  Since I forgot to take a picture when I was there yesterday, here's one from her old apartment featuring her extraterrestrial kitty, Zoloft:

Think of how many times a day you ask people how they are.  Most people answer "fine" or any number of variations on that word.  Do you expect you're getting an honest answer?   Can you tell when people are telling the truth?  Do you care if they aren't?

How am I?  I never know what to say when I'm asked that question. Mainly because I am not fine.  I haven't been for awhile now.  But, it's hard to tell people that, especially your family and friends.  You worry that you are too depressing and causing them undue worry.  Or you think that they're sick of your problems and are tired of hearing about your laundry list of complaints.  So you just stop answering the question.  You disconnect, stop answering phone calls and emails, avoid social interaction, basically retiring to a dark corner to lick your wounds and snarl at anyone who gets close.

Which brings me to this blog.  I decided to start it so that I could communicate with people I care about, even when I'm not answering the phone or emails.  I feel like it's my opportunity to explain how things are for me these days, so I don't hurt anyone's feelings or make them angry because I've been out of touch for so long.  Since I'm often too exhausted or sick to deal with the common everyday things I should be able to handle, I can't promise how often  I'll be able to update, but I'm going to do my best to keep it current.

Things currently influencing my life:

My one hour + drive to work.

My internist's office.

My orthopedic surgeon's office at Northwestern Hospital.

Our three rescue kitties, Ariel, Caliban & Black Mamba.

Stay tuned, more posts will follow, I promise!